Director: David Yates
Writer: J. K. Rowling
Released: November 2016
Starring: Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything), Katherine Waterston, Dan Fogler, Alison Sudol, Ezra Miller (The Perks of Being a Wallflower), Samantha Morton, Jon Voight, Carmen Ejogo, Ron Perlman and Colin Farrell (In Bruges).
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After 20 minutes of watching this Harry Potter spin-off, I realised it was not going to get any better.
A story of a man (Eddie Redmayne) who was expelled from Hogwarts goes to America to save and conserve magical beasts that have been wrongly accused of being dangerous within the magical community.
Unfortunately, this gets out of hand and his magical beasts escape into New York city and interact with Muggles – or as the Americans call them, No-maj. (Non-magical people.)
I had hyped myself up to see it because I had recently had a Harry Potter movie binge-watch, and had read one of the Potter books. So I thought, to be a real Harry Potter fan, I really ought to see Fantastic Beasts before it ‘disapparated’ from the cinemas.
Unfortunately, it was everything I feared and less:
A desperate clutch at straws to keep Harry Potter cool. Only this time, rather than a down to Earth, scary, gothic English classic, it was drenched in melodrama, and dripping with cringe-worthy, unrealistic American dialogue.
I am aware it was based in New York. But it was too clean, too cheesey, theatrical and lame.
I think it was a business decision to change the tone of the Harry Potter franchise. Perhaps to draw in the American audience. But, as an English Harry Potter film fan, I certainly felt alienated. I don’t enjoy the faff and bright colours of Hollywood in a supernatural movie. The movie just seemed made of plastic. You could tell every scene was filmed on a stage – I kept waiting to see the edge of the cardboard walls when the camera panned.
I thought some of the characters had jumped out of an old Doctor Who episode. (You’ll know what I mean if you’ve seen the David Tennant Doctor Who episode ‘Daleks in Manhattan’.)
Finally: What. the. hell. Why did Johnny Depp make an appearance at the end? Did anyone else get confused by this? Maybe the set design lacked in realism because all the budget was spent on Mr. Depp’s two-second appearance. So ridiculous.
If I hadn’t of spent so much on a cinema ticket, I would have walked out.
But maybe the book is better.
Jodie’s rating: 3/10
Have you heard?
1. After time travelling back to the beginning of the Mayan calendar, Doctor Who attempted to speak to the Mayan elders to extend the end of the calendar to a much further date in time. He was unsuccessful and was accused of being a witch doctor. He tried to explain that he wasn’t a Doctor Which, but a Doctor Who. After convincing them to not treat him as a threat, he was able to compromise, and settled on an agreement. That at the end of the Mayan calendar a “to be cont.” sign was to be etched at the end. Scientists, if they were to re-study the Mayan calendar today, will find this statement, thanks to the Doctor.
2. A huge meteor was hurtling toward Earth, NASA people were freaking out (despite the many press releases stating otherwise). They called the man that is never to be spoken about publicly. His name, is Superman. Fiction? I think not! Unfortunately, the meteor was purposely laced with kryptonite by the alien beings who wanted to ruin Superman’s world. He was unable to stop the meteor in it’s path, so Iron Man, although a little drunk from his house party celebrating his updated Iron Man suit, was able to use his brain, his mind and his head too, making it possible with the use of various lasers and alcohol-induced decisions to divert the meteor. Phewph!
3. Having heard about the Mayans’ little plan about ending the Earth in 2012, Vianne, a girl who lived around the time of the invention of the Mayan calendar, decided that she had to do something. She was never welcome in the Mayan society because of her super powers that were shunned by the elders who never acknowledged her existence (which is why she can not be found in any Mayan history).
A layer that we now call an ozone that protected Earth from the meteorite that was supposed to impoverish the Earth in December of 2012. Our ozone layer protects us against many things that would have damaged the world in Mayan times due to the world’s lack of ozone.
4. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? Where the tiniest of changes made by the likes of a time traveller, perhaps the indiscriminate killing of a minuscule insect could change the future forever through a domino effect. Well, in fact, what actually happened to prevent the world from being wiped from existence in 2012 was a time traveller who travelled from the year 1750AD, back in time to the year 3114 BC.
Airborne, the machine continued falling down the gully and landed on the fast flowing river, landing with an unsatisfying splash like a ping-pong ball thrown into a swimming pool. Now, I know what you’re thinking, you think I’m going to say that on the way down the hill the time machine squished something that had major repercussions on the distant future…
But apart from that, in fact what happened was that as the spheric time machine rolled down the hill that was classed as “sacred” by the local native Mayan people of Southern Mexico. This was witnessed by a Mayan woman who had been put in charge of creating the Mayan Calendar. She had a rock canvas that was a rectangular shape and had begun carving the dates when suddenly a giant ball-like rock thing appeared in the distance and rolled down the sacred hill at an ever increasing speed, demolishing trees on the way.
NZ Film Freak 